Rich Moran
The New Universal Language
Published by Rich Moran on Tagged UncategorizedThere is a new universal language. It crept in sometime between the advent of the first fax machine and the death of the pager that we wore on our belts.
A quick quiz of most people about the universal language will generate responses like:
- A kiss. It is the global signal of love although there are very few with whom I want to communicate with this language.
- The middle finger. Everyone knows what it means and it is not good to be the recipient of the message so this language carries some unfortunate baggage. It is a language that almost always makes someone feel really bad.
- English. Since most Americans speak no other language, we have imposed this language on the rest of the universe.
- Music. A preferred language by all but now that MySpace has bazillions of bands and artists on it, there are too many dialects of the language. Which is better, Bach or Beastie Boys?
- Food. Before salmonella, South Beach Diet and going vegan, this was a good language. Now it seems cluttered with too many celebrity chefs telling you how to communicate in this language
- Money. Once the banks, the dollar, the stock market and the price of oil recover, this could be a good language again. In the meantime, money is an inconsistent language.
All the communication turmoil leaves just one universal language – PowerPoint.
Bill Gates may go down in history for his riches and for eliminating malaria, but his real contribution will be the creation of PowerPoint as the universal language. It is even being used as a social medium.
Last time I checked Wikipedia’s definition, it said that “a universal language is a hypothetical, historical or mythical language said to be spoken and understood by all or most of the world’s population. … it may be the primary language of all speakers, or the only existing language; in others, it is a fluent secondary language used for communication between groups speaking different primary languages. Some mythological or religious traditions state that there was once a single universal language among all people, or shared by humans and supernatural beings; this is not supported by historical evidence.”
The historical evidence is now all around us.
- We speak in headlines backed up by a few bullets.
- Entire books, like Nuts, Bolts and Jolts, are written of just bullets.
- My children use PowerPoint in their grammar school everyday.
- Meetings will not start until the projector warms up to show the PowerPoint presentation.
- The three letters PPT are as well known as FYI, and IBM, LOL.
- The phrase “Next Steps” is now as welcome as “Free” or “This is Not A Bill.”
- News organizations, like eWeek, are delivering their stories in slideshows.
- Companies are being formed to distribute PowerPoint presentations they’re being used as social media.
- I’m posing my argument in bullets right now.
One of Venrock’s portfolio companies – Slideshare is leading the charge in in this area. New forms and styles of PowerPoint presentations are appearing. People are using PowerPoint to tell stories – like our friend Henry. They are using Slideshare to share heavy files and publish them broadly through the Web.
Next Steps
The good news about PPT is that it is efficient. The bad news is that it is often not effective unless accompanied by a non-virtual person. As a communication tool, it needs to tell a story. That’s all. As the new universal language PowerPoint needs to tell a story. Telling a story in PPT is tricky since, unlike other languages, it does not stand alone when read. It is more like a graphic novel.
The most welcome header in most presentations are the pages that begin with “Summary” or “Conclusion”. It needn’t be the case. Nor should the phrase, “Death by Powerpoint” be one that needs no explanation. Like all languages, the secret is in communicating in it well, not just blabbing on.
One of my friend’s nineteen year old daughters just gave a Powerpoint presentation to her parents to make the case for why she should move in with her boyfriend. It was effective. If Powerpoint can help make that happen, it has indeed become the universal language.
The Unavailable
Published by Rich Moran on Tagged UncategorizedIt has often been said in the venture world that “there is an infinite demand for the unavailable.” This is the ultimate challenge for everyone who invests in tech companies. We know there is a market for cars that burn no fuel; we know there is a market for anything that will eliminate my love handles and we know there is a market for a guarantee on an Ivy League acceptance letter for our children, but what about everything in the middle?
There could be a return, but is it enough to warrant an investment? There could be a legitimate company there, but is it a “venture returns” kind of company? That’s what makes venture investing so interesting.
Charlie Cooper of CNET captured this sense among a bunch of very smart media people at a Stanford colloquium as a part of the AlwaysOn conference. Andy Plesser of Beet.TV hosted the discussion which was all interesting, all good and all over the map on media, but what we know is that the changes that are happening right now are unprecedented, unpredictable and, probably unfortunate for big media. But big media is fighting back with vigor. The giants like News Corp. are dispatching people and money to try to get ahead of the curve. The problem is we don’t know where the curve is on its trajectory.
The current state of all things media is like the Wild West. So as the slightly altered bumper sticker says: Get In - Hold On - And Enjoy the Ride
At the Airport, Get Behind the Guy with Loafers
Published by Rich Moran on Tagged UncategorizedThe airlines and the security people at airports way are easy to pick on and everyone seems to be doing it these days. So I have some simple advice for the weary travelers as we go into the busy summer season: make choices, wear socks and consider Virgin America.
Travelling is all about choices. Check the bag and wait or carry it on and pray that there is room? Wait for an upgrade and lose hope of overhead space for your bag or get on and take that middle seat? Take the aisle seat back by the bathroom or the window seat in row 12? Talk to the person next to you in the hopes that he or she can someday hire your son or sit there without saying a word for six hours? Watch the airplane movie with earphones that probably don’t work or read and glance up at the movie and try to figure out what they are saying? Be nice to the guy next to you who required a seat belt extender or fume and fuss for the entire flight? (He can’t help it, be nice.) There are millions of other little choices that make for a successful or miserable trip. Make all the little choices and live with them. Go into Zen mode and know that everyone is doing the best they can.
When it comes to going through security, always scan the line in front of you and get behind the people with the least luggage who are wearing loafers. Consider buying shoes just for travelling times. Always avoid getting behind anyone with a fully loaded baby stroller.
But here is a thought that might make you want to wear socks as you take your own loafers off. Remember in high school gym class when the P.E. instructor suggested that you wear flip flops in the shower because the high school showers are loaded with athlete’s foot germs? No one ever did it but it was not hard to imagine a batch of fungus pole vaulting between everyone’s toes. How many people took showers in your high school locker room? Hundreds a year?
Now think about how many people go through those security lines barefoot. Hundreds of thousands a day? I read where someone is suing the airlines for contracting something bad on his feet from walking through security. I guess he didn’t wear socks or those shower-cap-looking feet covers. Wear socks through security.
Virgin America is hip, consider trying them. I have nothing to do with Virgin America. I don’t know any one who works there and have only flown them a few times but they are refreshing in how they use technology and how they treat passengers. They are experimenting with all parts of flying and are not stuck in their ways. The just-in-time food service is one great example. Try suggesting that some of the big guys make changes that could make flying better. Some big airlines still point to the day they sealed up all the ashtrays in the armrests as innovation. Someday all the airlines will be like Virgin America and it will be better world.
If the airlines were smarter, they would have just raised ticket prices where few would have noticed, rather than charge for checked luggage Passengers have no control over ticket prices but they can make lots of people’s lives more difficult by how they deal with this new hurdle in flying. I bet over time that the flight attendants union will have a lot to say about this new rule and its unintended consequences.
The airlines can’t help the fact that oil prices are sky high. I just wish they would make choices with customers in mind – and give us our rights.
The Annual College Grad Blog
Published by Rich Moran on Tagged UncategorizedMore Signs of the Apocalypse
No time is better for giving out advice than the annual commencement season. In my experience in dealing with new college grads, I have found that no one listens to any advice but it doesn’t stop anyone from dishing it out. Many had their own opinions about Oprah’s address to the Stanford class of 2008. Everyone offers a lot of advice on how to deal with the environment, world peace and elimination of genocide. My advice is much less ambitious. It is more applied and easier to implement than curing our addiction to foreign oil. As a 22 year-old graduate, I was clueless but hopeful. I find most college grads today are still clueless but hopeful. That can be a very good combination as long as the hopeful component sticks and nothing can kill “hopeful” more than problems that seem too big for a young person to fix. So here is my advice to the Class of ’08. Just three bullets, easy to read, sort of easy to implement and delivered with the hope of an easy transition into the real world.
- Don’t Live with your Parents
A new study just revealed that six of ten graduates in the Class of ’08 went home after commencement. As in, after four years of independence, all night parties, and unmentionable intimacies, college grads are moving home to be with Mom, Dad and the little brothers and sisters. Yikes! Tune in to the old “Seinfeld” episodes when George moves home. Don’t do it. You won’t like it and your parents won’t like it and it will lead to questions like, “What are you going to do now? And “Where are you going? And, “What time will you be home?” You will easily get addled into hanging around with high school buddies, visiting your old coaches and watching “Lost” reruns. Move on, or at least have a plan as to when you will move out again.
- Pay Attention – People Notice
Just like how your classmates noticed when you showed up wearing green pants with a pink belt with blue alligators on it; or how they noticed when you showed up with blue hair and combat boots; people “out there” will notice the small things about you too. Table manners, wardrobe, who you hang out with, your Facebook page and all those things your parents told you that matter will continue to define you. “It is what it is”, as they say and people will always notice and define you by the little things. If you think people don’t notice, tune in to any segment of “The Office”. Who Pam is dating, who leaves early, a stain on the tie, what people talk about, who is new, who has a weird trench coat, comments in poor taste…people notice.There are a million blogs, web sites, guides and “Dummies” books about how to do anything that won’t get you into trouble. Do research and pay attention to what matters. People notice.
- Get A Job
I know it’s a tough economy but there are jobs. There are always jobs. Get off the computer and get a job. Or, get on the computer and get a job. I like www.indeed.com. All the job hunting websites can work but you probably still need to get off your butt and go meet people. Think of it like fishing, the more bait you have in the water, the more likely to catch some fish. A job gets you out in traffic and will give you the chance to learn a few things like how to fill out a W-2 form and the cost of health benefits and that you have to show up. Your first job may not be perfect but it will give you some momentum and may lead to the one you really want. The first job will get you out of the house too. (See bullet number one.)
No doubt, there is a lot of other advice that is being delivered. What you hear, if anything, may be something different. If you are stuck, pay attention to these three bullets and they can get you started. Trust me on this one.
Deals I Would Like to See
Published by Rich Moran on Tagged UncategorizedEvery venture capitalist reviews and discusses any number of “deals” every day. Some are glimmers of greatness and are worthy of objective consideration. Others are not so worthy but still deserve thoughtful consideration. The following is a top-of-mind list of deals I would like to see but have not yet.
Converter Kits: Oil prices, gas prices, carbon footprints – it all adds up and I believe it. The deal I would most like to see is a kit that would convert any gas engine to a hybrid. I am not talking about ripping the car apart and installing batteries and flux capacitors. I am thinking more along the lines of a device similar to the after-market cassette players that we would attach to the car radio and bolt under the dash board. Once installed, gas mileage would go from sixteen to forty without ever opening the hood. This kit could do for cars what electricity did for houses. The world would be a better place and everyone would win.
Cell Phone Sensors: It is not a rare occurrence these days to go into a public restroom and hear someone yammering on their cell phone while sitting in a stall. I always wonder who that person is talking to and does the person on the other end of the call know what is happening. I suspect not. I would like to have a sensor and an alarm on my phone that restricts anyone from calling me while they are in a bathroom or other inappropriate place to be chatting nonchalantly about digital media.
Invisible Cubicle Screens: We all know about those magical fences that no one can see but prevent out dogs from running out on the highway. Although I have not discussed this with our dog, I believe they work. I just about never see a poor dog on the side of the road these days. I would like to see a deal of an invisible fence that separates cubicles at the office. It would prevent your co-workers from leaning over the little barriers that separate cubicles to ask if you want to participate in the basketball pool.
News Converters: This deal would fall into the digital media space. Since the evening news is almost always bad, I would like to see a deal that would present a positive side to all news. Instead of “A big flood hit the Midwest this week.” The news would proclaim, “Looks like that drought is over in the Midwest.”
Special Stopwatches: Like that old segment of the “Twilight Zone”, I would like to see a stop watch that stopped the world long enough for me to catch up. While everyone else was “frozen” I could go about my business and no one would be the wiser. When I restarted time with the stop watch I would be all caught up. I would be careful not to drop it.
User Generated Video: Wouldn’t it be great if there was a web site where videos could be posted and shared. It could be like America’s Funniest Home Videos on steroids. We could look at cats on shower curtains and guys pretending they were in Star Wars for long periods of time. Oh, wait.
I’ve joked about deals I would like to see before only to have them show up shortly thereafter. Bring them on.
Why Bear Stearns is a Good Thing or, In Search of the New Poster Child
Published by Rich Moran on Tagged UncategorizedEnron became the poster child company for corporate greed, avarice and somebody asleep at the switch. Arthur Andersen became the poster child for auditors helping them. The NYSE became the poster child for big payouts to retiring executives (with many more companies to follow.) Eliot Spitzer is the current model for exercising bad judgment, marital headaches and poorly executed interstate commerce, among many other things.
Bear Stearns is about to become the new poster child of behavior gone-bad in full view, like videos of college students on Spring Break. But what will they become the poster child for? Will it be for financial statements so complicated no one knows how much they are worth? Will it be for a market cap less than the worth of one of their buildings? Will it be for the mortgage foreclosures that have a root somewhere, so why not there? Will it be for government bailouts for people who make a lot of money? Stay tuned for the poster as it emerges. In the meantime, there are at least two good things that will come out of the Bear Stearns meltdown.
1. Dread Removal - I know a lot of people in the high powered financial world who have said something like the following. “My job sucks but I am only going to do this until I am thirty five (could be forty but that is a stretch) because the money is so awesome. Then, I will do something that I really want to.” (Although undetermined.)
For all of those working in jobs that make you miserable but the pay is good, you now have the license to think differently. Bear Stearns has given you that license. If you are not doing what you want, don’t wait to do something else.
2. Real Career Awareness – I doubt anyone at Bear Stearns could have ever imagined that this prestigious, old firm could be in trouble and jobs would be lost. If it can happen there, think about where you are and whether it could happen to you too. Don’t lose sleep over it, just set your expectations. People ask me all the time if they should worry about their job. The answer is always yes. Bear Stearns and Arthur Andersen and Enron taught us that.
The real lesson from Bear Stearns is that all organizations are fragile. If it can happen in large, long established, prestigious places, it can happen just about anywhere.
Let’s make Bear Stearns the poster child that reminds us of the fragility of all organizations.
All Mistakes to Avoid Should Have Been Learned in High School
Published by Rich Moran on Tagged UncategorizedAll lessons of behavior should have been learned early because they all happened in high school - that harsh reality that divides childhood from the rest of life. Foremost among those lessons is: You will always get caught.
- Cut gym class? You will get caught by the Principal looking out the window.
- Cheat on an exam? You will copy from the wrong source.
- Siphon some of Dad’s liquor out of the bottles and put in that soda bottle? He keeps track of the liquid levels in the bottle.
- Sneak in after curfew? Mom will be at the front door.
- Buy some hallucinogenic substance or paraphernalia? The police will have their crack down on that very day and you will be arrested.
- Have a house party while Mom and Dad are out of town? The party will get out of hand and the police will be called or the house will burn down.
- Create a fake id? The bouncer will call your Mom.
- Plagiarize on that Catcher in the Rye paper? The teacher uses the same source for research.
- Show up at the school dance a little tipsy? You will be randomly chosen for the breathalyzer.
- Cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend? You will bump into that one person who will tell the entire world.
This is a long list but the outcome is always the same. As each of my own children entered their teenage years I reminded them of the basic truth – You will always get caught. Each has eventually found out on their own every time they were caught. That lesson from high school is -If you do a bad thing, you will get caught so be prepared to pay the consequences or better yet, don’t do the bad thing. Most of us learn that the latter strategy is more comfortable in the long run.
All of these lessons apply also to the world of work and the cubicles in which we toil. Falsify the hours on your timesheet? You will get caught. Steal office supplies? You will get caught. Harass one of your fellow workers? You will be caught. Cheat on your expense report? You will get caught. Tell a racist or sexist joke that you think no one can hear? You will get caught. Getting caught in the workforce is the equivalent of getting fired. In fact, it is not the equivalent, you will get fired. So don’t do it. You will get caught.
As I think about it, there are some other lessons that we learn from the world of teenagers and high school… Always let someone know where you are – someone is always looking for you.Leaving a message doesn’t equal permission – calling to say the project is not working doesn’t make it right.Be home when you say you will – always trueKnow what is absolutely non-negotiable, like hookers and give me the car keys.If you’re in big trouble don’t negotiate – just take the punishment.
Okay, all you high school students and newbies to the work force, I hope you listened. Eliot, I should have written this a while ago for you. Sorry.
Work Resolutions You Can Keep
Published by Rich Moran on Tagged UncategorizedA Primer in removing misery and being more productive in 2008
By now you are Off the Diet and Drinking Again – Here’s the new way to lose weight through work resolutions
Some of the resolutions you made on New Year’s Eve may be a distant memory by now, the middle of January. Sure you bought Quicken to get your finances organized for the year but I would bet the shrink wrap is still on the box. Those new $120.00 workout shoes still look a little too clean. Even though you vowed that zero drops of alcohol would touch your lips in January, you couldn’t help it when they were serving Silver Oak Cabernet at that business dinner. And, since the seal was broken, just a glass or two a night won’t hurt, will it?
If I could look in that planner or secret journal where you wrote those resolutions, I would wager that there is some permutation of all or some of the following promises to yourself:
o Lose weight
o Work out more
o Spend less time on the computer/blackberry
o Get personal finances in order
o Don’t over-commit or over-book
It’s not too late. All is not lost, there are plenty of resolutions you can still make and keep that cover some of the basics of your life. These resolutions are best kept to yourself and, although, they are only a few, will change your life.
Resolution One
I will stop eating in my car.
If there is a stack of empty Starbucks cups behind the passenger seat of your car, you are in trouble. Think of how many times you cursed out loud because the burrito you were eating in your car got all over your shirt. Plus, when you get to those meetings after eating in your car, your potential customers can’t help but notice the ketchup stains on your fingers from opening those little ornery packages. Not to mention eating in your car makes you gain weight because of what you eat in your car. Even though you might not get caught eating that Whopper and fries while going 65 MPH, it will show up in your back side.
Following this one resolution will help you lose weight, look better when you get there and keep your car cleaner. It is safer too since you are not chatting on driving while talking on your cell phone, drinking a latte and eating a scone.
Resolution Two
I will avoid technology addictions and recognize that my Blackberry (or other PDA) is similar to crack cocaine.
If your thumbs are getting bigger than your big toes, you are addicted. If you sneak out into the hallway at 2 am while on family vacations to check your email, you are addicted. Not only are your thumbs getting ruined, your life is going down the technology 24×7 drain. Re-think your life and how you manage your “in-box” and how you use your PDA. Avoid PDA addictions.
Following this resolution will help you lose weight because you can spend more time on finding healthy food instead of worrying about what you are missing. Your cell phone addiction may be too far gone already. If you regularly answer your cell phone while you are in the bathroom, it is too late for you. We will work on that addiction next year.
Resolution Three
I will travel only if absolutely necessary and only to good places.
“Road Warrior” is not necessarily a good title or one that makes you a hero. The one with the most frequent flyer miles is not the winner. Plus, it is becoming increasingly expensive as airport security continues to take away that 5 oz. tube of toothpaste and tells you that only 3 oz. tubes are allowed but it doesn’t come in 3 oz. tubes. Traveling is difficult and will age you before your time. There are other tools to use and you will find that the only people that care that you stopped traveling are at the airline. If you do travel, resolve to see a friend while you are there. Following this resolution will help you lose weight because you won’t be eating Gummi Bears at the airport.
Resolution Four
I will improve my communications skills
-PowerPoint is a presentation tool, not a language. It is possible to have a meeting or conversation without speaking in bullets. AVOID DEATH BY POWERPOINT.
-Email is one of the most efficient and effective communications tools of all time. It is not necessarily a management tool. BE A MANAGER, NOT AT E-MAILER.
-Conference calls are a way to keep you off airplanes and are not the time to allow people to work on their emails. LEARN HOW TO CONDUCT CONFERENCE CALLS THAT PEOPLE WANT TO JOIN.
-Meetings can transform from a habit into a vice and often occur only because they are scheduled. Meetings can get in the way of meeting goals. TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT THE EFFECTIVENESS OF MEETINGS.
*Even if there are twenty people sitting around a meeting, the one person that calls into a meeting can be the most disruptive. CALL-IN TO MEETINGS ONLY WHEN NECESSARY.
*Everyone is scheduled too tight and can go into a stress spiral when always late. Meetings are a big culprit of schedule stress. END MEETINGS WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL.
Improving your communications skills might allow you to lose weight because you will be less stressed and less likely to eat that doughnut.
Resolution Five
I will stop saying the word “whatever”.
Saying “whatever” means you are not making decisions. Make decisions, large and small, and live with them. It is possible to go to soccer games and be on a conference call at the same time and be a good manager and a good parent. It is not “whatever”. You made the decision that the mute button is your best friend. It is easy to spend days just saying “whatever” and draining email and voicemail and a sitting in on a constant stream of conference calls. That’s probably not what you are supposed to do. Resolve to be more productive and stop “whatevering”. Eliminating “whatever” will help you lose weight because you won’t say, “Quarter Pounder? Dunkin Doughnuts? OK, both. Whatever!”
There are ruts, habits and routines that are too easily carried from one year to the next. We all want something to look forward to in the new year so get out of the ruts and try one risky new thing like ball room dancing or an adventure vacation Every year goes by fast and the unfulfilled resolutions fly by. Make choices to follow these resolutions and rejoice in them. You will be much thinner when you start next year.
That’s What I Like
Published by Rich Moran on Tagged UncategorizedAfter all these years in wine country I was finally invited to a blind wine tasting.
It was a simple exercise, I was in a group and five different glasses of pinot noir were put in front of us. We had to determine where each glass was from, not whether or not we liked the wine. That’s when the fun began because none of us liked any of the wine. In fact, it was awful. All of us were spitting like crazy and all of us admitted we were not spitters.
As the wine expert and group leader tried to facilitate the discussion he asked what special flavors and senses we tasted. One of my colleagues said he detected a hint of a burnt buttered popcorn jelly belly. There was a murmur of agreement because we all know how that one jelly belly can ruin the entire batch that’s popped in the mouth. Another of the tasting group thought he felt the gestalt of World War II in one of the wines. The sentiment was not based on strolling through the French countryside.
We weren’t quite done. Another taster talked about those big bins of just picked grapes that we see spilled on the side of the road this time of year as catching the romance of one of the wines. Yet another said the wine conjured up images of making out in front of the Chi Omega house in the front seat of a Camaro. We weren’t sure if that was good or bad.
When the results were given, none of us guessed correctly on the source of the pinot, not even the right continent. Turns out, the wine we tasted was reasonably expensive and well known but the price and brand had no bearing on whether or not we liked it better.
It didn’t take long to find some wine that we did like and that’s when the questions and discussion really started. The big questions were related: Are we such a bunch of goofs that we can’t tell a cabernet from a Chevrolet? And, related to that, are there really people who can identify the square mile in France that a wine comes from without so much as a hint? We agreed the answer was probably that everyone’s palate knows what it likes and that some have a palate that is beyond belief. With resolve, we promised to bridge the gap and reconvene sometime later when our palates grew larger.
Like most of us, I stand in awe when someone can identify graphite, wet stone or white truffle in a glass of wine. Then there is forest floor, quince, hawthorn and cigar box that others can find. That can’t be a big number of people who can taste all of those nuances. I think my palate stopped developing just a little beyond, “tastes good to me.”
Someone recently asked me, “How does one start to build a proper wine cellar?” My response was, collect what you like and learn from others. The “others” are those that really can taste white fleshy peach as well as those who know what they like and what they don’t.
Living in wine country is the perfect Petri dish for tasting and going to a blind tasting might be the ultimate litmus test of what one likes. A blind tasting is a test unencumbered by the price or the label which is still, I think, the criteria on which most people buy wine. My favorite local events are ones where real wine guys bring bottles along with no label, or at best, a yellow sticky on the side and a date scribbled on the cork. Wine making is truly an art. Wine tasting is a way to exercise your palate and your imagination. It’s good to be around artists and imaginative people.
Rich Moran owns a winery and writes for wine country newspapers.
Success at Holiday Parties
Published by Rich Moran on Tagged UncategorizedA Primer
At the last really huge corporate Holiday Party I attended, a young woman who reported to me jumped up on stage just as the beginning drum beats to the classic “Love Shack” were filling the hall. The crowd went wild that someone would be so brave. I leaned over to my wife and mentioned with apprehension, “I hope this doesn’t go on her permanent record, or mine”. This was not the party at Fox TV or Vanity Fair or some hip record label. It was the big consulting firm Accenture, not known for its singers.
Although a little tipsy, turns out that girl could sing and dance and sing and dance she did. She knew all the words to “Love Shack” even down to that phrase yelled in the middle that many the drunken undergraduate has tried to figure out. I think it is “Tin Roof, Busted!” but I could be wrong on that. It was the highlight of the night at the party and turns out it did end up on her permanent record. She was no longer an anonymous analyst. Now everyone knew her name and she was sought for projects. The thinking might have been, anyone with that much moxie should be able to sell something.
See, Holiday Parties are not always the career killers they are reputed to be. There can be an upside, however rare. Since that Love Shack incident, my own parties have grown dull. Holiday parties are not as wild as they used to be but they are still fraught with stress about whether or not to go, with whom and what to wear, among other critical decisions. Given the time of year and given the fact that most of us do go to that party with optimism, here are some pointers to get the most out of that party.
- Go. Yes, always go. Come, on. You have to go. Your co-workers want to see who you are dating or married to and what you think “festive holiday attire” is.
- Don’t get drunk at the company holiday party. Repeat, don’t get drunk.*
*No matter how many times I have presented this advice, it is universally ignored. So I suggest adhering to the following advice assuming you will end up in that mind altered state…
-
- Always have someone with you who will remember what you said at the Holiday Party so that you can make appropriate apologies when necessary.
- Under all circumstances, when tipsy, stay away from your bosses spouse. You don’t want said spouse to ask later, “Who was that totally smashed person who said you were the besht bosh he ever had?”
- Take a taxi home. Embarrassing yourself can be forgiven, being reckless cannot.
- If you are the boss, give your toast and speech of thanks early. Before the audience or you have had too much to drink.
- Stay away from any one with a video camera. You may think you are a good dancer but you might show up on YouTube next to the classic of Elaine from Seinfeld dancing at that party.
- For that same YouTube reason, don’t wear any fancy clothes that can fall off and reveal something that might show up on an ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend web site.
- Never sit with the company lawyers. They are never any fun at these events since they are focused on the liabilities of everything that is happening around them.
- If the company is coming to the end of a really bad year, cut the management some slack for goldfish and beer instead of steak and wine. At least they are trying.
- Do not sneak out into the hall to check your blackberry or PDA. Leave all blackberries and any thing that seems like work at home.
- Remember that there will be no secrets. Anything that happens at the holiday party, does not stay at the holiday p